


The Madman of Erebor

by JustABitFishy



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Introspection, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 01:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4202868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustABitFishy/pseuds/JustABitFishy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short drabble on Fili's perspective of his Uncle. Not very happy at all, but I thought it would be interesting to write.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Madman of Erebor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ayara012](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayara012/gifts).



How do you ally yourself to a madman? Do I follow my loyalty when it’s only going to lead us all off the ledge, with hungry enemies circling below? He is my uncle, a father in all but name, who worked long hours to feed us. He told us a few times that he'd already eaten, you know? Mother told him to eat, and I was jealous. I was young, and hungry, and thought he had already eaten. Who wouldn't be jealous of someone getting two meals at once? But he wasn't. He was taking food out of his mouth to put into ours, and I was jealous of the little food Mother convinced him to eat. I owe him my allegiance for that sacrifice, at the very least. He kept us fed, and clothed, and warm, at his own expense. He probably saved our lives. But I don't know if I can follow him now. 

He worked to keep us safe and happy, is it betrayal or loyalty to leave him now? Should I follow his wishes now or make sure his struggle wasn't pointless before? I can't leave the others to die to save myself. If I speak out against him now, in full view, I may yet convince the others to abandon him. Leave him to die and save ourselves, run far and run fast and hope we make it. But if we all turn our backs he has absolutely no hope of survival (no hope of pulling off another miracle). Should I keep his old oaths or his new promises, glory and riches? He swore to do his best to protect us while we swore to follow him to the end, and he’s broken his promise- does that responsibility now come to me, second in line to the throne? I can't follow both promises, mine to follow him and his to protect us, I can’t take his place. Sense tells me to take the dwarves that will follow me and run, plead to Mahal for our safety. Loyalty tells me to stay with Uncle. If I was separated from him by the quest I could keep both paths, but to abandon him to his fate now would shatter him and me. I can’t tear myself in two. If we stay now we die, but we die together, die as a company and as sworn battle-brothers. If we run, take our weapons and flee, we’ll survive, but I don’t know if I can live like that. The betrayal of our rightful King, leader and family and everything else so much else will mark us forever as outcasts, cowards who ran when they were needed most. I don't know the path to choose.  
What do I do?

 

… I don’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> For Ayara012, an absolutely amazing beta who told me, exact words, "Ow.", waited a minute, then said, "Go post it somewhere."  
> Well, I'm (finally) posting it.


End file.
